Category: Christian Relationships

Why Accountability Matters in Christian Friendships

A few months ago, I posted a Reel on Instagram about how the church has lost touch with the idea of accountability.

In fact, I think more of us than we care to admit cringe a little when we hear that word because of the baggage it carries in our lives.

In my Reel, I attempted to appeal to the community elements reframing it can bring to our lives and the fact that we are truly missing out on the growth we are longing for.

Ephesians 5:21 is an appeal to community through mutual submission.

So, how do we discover this sort of mutual submission in community?

I think the key is safety. On one hand, we need to feel safe enough to be vulnerable and bold enough not to be afraid to risk being vulnerable in submission.

Whew… that’s so hard.

God didn’t create us to live life alone. He made us for friendships that help us grow in faith and stay on the right path. So, maybe we went through traumatic friendship events in our youth.

We need to work toward healing and sometimes it just means that we need to see that all relationships will carry the weight of disappointment and pain. Especially if we care – A LOT.

So, I think taking baby steps into “accountability” is really allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and held accountable to a friend that we have agreed to be held accountable to.

Maybe you need to have that “define the relationship” kind of conversation that gives a friend the out. But your expectations can be set before even having that conversation. Remember you are the one in control of and responsible for your emotions and reactions.

What Is Accountability?

Ultimately, accountability means having trusted friends who keep us honest about our faith. These are people who check in on us, pray for us, and help us when we struggle. They remind us of God’s truth and encourage us to follow Him. Oh, and you may not need that “defining” conversation. It can also mean that a mentor of yours who is more spiritually mature is naturally that person in your life by sheer interaction with them.

What the Bible Says About Accountability

Above all, we need to return to the scriptures to help guide us with our understanding of accountability and our expectations. The Bible teaches us that accountability is important:

• Proverbs 27:17 – “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
• Galatians 6:1-2 – “If someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently… Carry each other’s burdens.”
• Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 – “Two are better than one… If either of them falls, one can help the other up.”

God wants us to help each other stay strong in our faith.

Why Accountability Is Important

1. Helps Us Grow Spiritually – When friends check in on us, we stay focused on prayer, reading the Bible, and following God. Here’s a chance to also be honest with ourselves. Avoiding a friend because they will ask us is equally detrimental.
2. Keeps Us Away from Sin – Knowing someone will ask about our choices makes us think before we act. Anyone else cringe at the thought of a friend knowing our deepest struggles? I know that my efforts in my youth were not in vain. Attempts at pursuing holiness are worthy efforts, so don’t let failure keep you from striving. Let it show you there may be deeper issues that that need to be addressed. That’s why I recommend looking for a coach or counselor that not only has walked through your struggles but has a track record of success.
3. Gives Support in Hard Times – Life can be tough, but good friends help us through challenges. I cannot begin to say how important it is to have mature believers in our lives who can handle and know how to face adversity when they have a friend walking through the trenches. I know I have not been mature in facing hardship with a friend in the past, but the beautiful thing is we are promised wisdom and we can ask for it. So when you or a friend is facing challenges you can ask the Lord for wisdom and He will provide it.
4. Brings Healing and Freedom – James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Talking with a trusted friend helps us move forward. Trust me when I say that even as a man, talking through something or even hearing myself or another person talk about something out loud has impacted me greatly.
5. Builds Strong Friendships – Real accountability strengthens relationships and helps us grow together in Christ.

How to Find Accountability in Christian Friendships

• Pick Godly Friends – Choose people who love Jesus and want to see you grow in faith.
• Be Honest – Real accountability means being open about your struggles and challenges.
• Meet Regularly – Set a time to check in with each other and talk about your walk with God.
• Pray for Each Other – Prayer is powerful and helps strengthen friendships.
• Accept Advice and Correction – When a friend gives godly advice, listen with a humble heart.

Conclusion

Accountability is about love, not judgment. It helps us stay strong, avoid mistakes, and grow in faith. If you don’t have someone to keep you accountable, ask God to bring the right people into your life. Having godly friends will make your faith stronger and your life better!